Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
