Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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