Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
