Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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