whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
