Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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