The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
