He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
ok first of all what the fuck
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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