I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
