we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
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