how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
