we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
