Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize