Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
now i know why i became what i already was.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
