It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
