Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
