I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
