i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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