I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
