I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
