Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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