at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
