It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
