I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize