He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
