If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
