yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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