HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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