Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
