I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
