I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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