i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize