Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
