She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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