Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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