Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
