I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
