Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
