She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
