Where did you get a picture of my penis
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
