I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
So many bounce houses so little time
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
