if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
