Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
