u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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