I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Cover your peen. We're going out.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
