Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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