i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
