I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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