i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
