yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
