he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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