we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
dude. I can hear the air.
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