you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
