She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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