You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
