five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
