How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
