I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
