If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
