Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
