Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
