I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
