Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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