I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Who died my cat blue again?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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