Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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