Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
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