he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
