and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It's blow job season.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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