Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
