she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
