Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
