Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize