I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
